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Saturday, 14 January 2012

Just a lesson to learn .

"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson."

I tried, I stumbled, I cried and I keep on trying. Sometimes, its feels so worthless, fighting for something that is uncertain. I feel so hopeless. Gasping for inspiration and motivation. Praying. Crying. I just can't fight this feeling. 
All i want to is to see my mom. To be held in her arms. How i miss mummy :( Someone that could calm me down while the world is crashing on me. Keep on reminding my heart that everything happen is a lesson to learn. I wonder what would happen if i did not experience those things now. Will it happen in the future? Or even worst?  Its true that experience is something that we can gain anywhere we are, everywhere we are standing. Its might be hurtful, but memories remain forever. We grow up through experience. We stay stronger as we grow older. Facing up difficulties. Trying hard not to get so emotional. Pretending everything alright. Bearing with the pain we feel inside. Seeking for God's help. Reading God's words. And as each day passing by, i am now stronger to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and tougher experience. Its all about taking chances. God would never give you something to experience if you are not ready for it. God knows best. 

“Other people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along our path, but the lesson to be learned is always ours.”

Nothing much but just a lesson to learn. Handle with prayer :)

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too so we're really not that different, me and you.

xoxo ♥

Exam is finally over. Back home for good :D

Tuesday, 10 January 2012


When you are tired and discouraged from fruitless efforts...
*GOD KNOWS how hard you have tried.

When you've cried so long and your heart is in anguish...
*GOD has counted your tears.

If you feel that your life is on hold and time has passed you by...
*GOD is waiting with you.

When you are lonely and your friends are too busy even for a phone call...
*GOD is by your side.

When nothing makes sense and you are confused or frustrated...
*GOD has the answer.

If suddenly your outlook is brighter and you find traces of hope...
*GOD has whispered to you.

When things are going well and you have much to be thankful for...
*God has blessed you.

When something joyful happens and you are filled with awe...
*God has smiled upon you.

When you have a purpose to fulfill and a dream to follow...
*God has opened your eyes and called you by name.


Tg. Aru, Kota Kinabalu ♥

Love, UK .

Thanks darling cousins Clarribel & Baldwyn ♥

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

The OLD me .

Its funny to see how people changing. Its funny to heard someone told me that I've changing. I wonder what kind of changes that they've seen in me. Changes are good when you're changing to a better person. By leaving all the bad thoughts behind. And promise yourself to keep on moving on, even how much it hurts you. Past is past. Life is too short to wake up with regret. Because, PEOPLE change, even the person you thought you knew the most, changes. And even though it hurts to see them go, you have to move on, for the memories are all you have, and things might never be the same. Bear in mind that, someone might come into your life as a blessings but some as a lesson.

when a new day begin, dare to smile gratefully :)

Date A Girl Who Reads .

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent.  Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Sources : Tumblr

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Uncover the smile .


31st December 2011

Tg. Aru Beach, Kota Kinabalu

Throw the handphones away.

Every 5 minutes, mesti ada 4 - 5 messages masuk. Saya pun reply la juga those messages, sapa yang duluan messages, i replied you first. Then, it keep on repeating-peat-peat-peat everyday, every seconds, every hours *sigh*. I am tired, my fingers are exhausted. How i wish i could throw away those handphones, then kalau ada urgent, jumpa terus, terus dan terus. Kalau rindu, come and see me! If you need me, i'll be there for you (only if its possible). Setakat bilik di atas rumah pun mau message. Kan bagus kalau lari-lari anak naik atas rumah and just tell me directly. Bangun pagi message, buat ini message, cuci kain message, p dating message, p makan message, mandi message, study message, before bed message. See, macam terikat betul kan? GGGGGGRRRRRR!!! Sometimes i do wonder why should i do and that. Macam terasa sudah berkahwin. Padahal, bercinta pun gagal. Apa lagi mau "get married", mimpi okay? It is just a dream. By the time i get so busy, mahu juga kena message. Why so complicated? I wish i have the gut to ignore you, you and you. Kalau ada beeping, pretending that am asleep. Kalau kena call, buat suara-suara baru bangun or tidak payah jawab. If and only if i could be that cruel. I think the best way is to stop using handphones for awhile. Like I used to do last time. And I wish for you, you and you to understand me. And the best thing is, I do not have to top up my phone every week. Jimat okay? Or should i say, Hibernate?

Lets answers phone calls from FAMILY and loved ones only.

emotionally abused, like seriously.

The little things.

Sometimes, i have a thought that i would not get want i want.

There's a time, i thought that that i could not get what i wish for.

Most of the time, i think i should not get everything that i want.

Reminiscing old the old good times. Apa la kunun yang mau diingat-ingat tu?

Past is past, and I've moving on. Then by the time, someone come to you and bring back the memory.
Orang Melayu cakap, "sejarah mungkin berulang."

Tapi orang putih cakap, "memories remains forever."

Salahkah kalau kita rindu someone that we used to be with? 


Someone that used to be part of us?

Salah ka kalau mau ingat-ingat saja. And this time when, without any expectation. To prevent from falling on the same thing for the second time. Or am i to afraid of reality?

One thing is, i did everything sincerely. As i believed that God has planned me "SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL."

Apa lagi yang mau dirindu kan? bukanlah yang jahat-jahat bah. Tapi yang sweet and sour punya seja. Something yang boleh buat saya senyum-senyum kambing sendiri, hidung pun kembang-kempis and all of sudden, "am flying without wings" and that moment, how i wish i could turn back time and fix everything!

Sudah- sudahlah..

Lay down the wing and lets just go with the flow.. Phhheeeuwww!

"The only reason is i do not want to hurt the other half me, the heart, that i should belong with."